Indiana Jones 4

My Background
15 years I have been waiting for the fourth Indiana Jones film to come out. I used to subscribe to the "Star Wars Insider" just for 1-2 pages of Indy news and merchandise. I would search through magazines (at the time) and later the internet for all sorts of Indiana Jones stuff. When the Indiana Jones ride came to Disneyland, I used 3 rolls of film while waiting in line, taking pictures of every turn we made. I even ordered a pirated version of the Indiana Jones trilogy on DVD from Singapore that was ripped from the laser discs (I was later was notified by Ebay that this was a fake auction and got my $40 back). To say the least, I was a die hard fan of Indiana Jones, with the posters on my walls, wearing a similar leather jacket to school when it was cold, the fedora sitting on my dresser, and of course, a bull whip next to it.

Now, a decade and a half later, my childhood dreams would finally come true. After years of rumors, delays due to the Star Wars prequels, talks with Sean Connery and Kathleen Kennedy, finally Harrison For told Spielberg he would give him only a little more time to develop a script for the fourth Indiana Jones film. And then it happened... they started filming the movie. And a bombardment of advertising came with it. Everything from an Indiana Jones double Whopper to fruit snacks, to video games, to Lego toys, to a fake fabric toy whip with cracking sounds. Indiana Jones was everywhere. I would turn my TV on and within 10 mins, I would hear that oh so famous theme song... da da da duh! Whether it was a trailer for the film, or just an advertisement for some new merchandise or food, you would see some sort of Indy product on just about any channel, just about any time of the day. Now back in the day, I would have probably pissed my pants if I heard that theme song. Unfortunately, today it is just getting annoying, as much as I hate to say it. Which leads us to that day I have been counting down to for over half of my life, 12:01am on May 22, 2008.

The Theatre
Of course, we bought our Indy tickets a few days in advance for the midnight showing. The three of us left our house around 10:30, so we could get some candy to sneak in, grab some Taco Bell, and some Starbucks (normally I wouldn't drink it but I was already tired and needed something to keep me goin). So in honor of this evening, I bought some Indiana Jones M&Ms to go along with the Reese's PB Cups, Snickers, Kit Kats, Sout Patch Kids, and Sweet Tarts we had already stuffed in our friend's over sized purse. She even managed to put her Starbucks in there. So we buy the usual bucket of popcorn and a couple $5 cokes and make our way into the actual theatre. We have already seen tons of people with their Indiana Jones shirts on, some even with fedoras. I was going to bring my bull whip along, but I figured that might get me in some sort of trouble, so I just sported my Indy shirt I bought at Disneyland a few years ago.

As Johnelle and I walk into the theatre while Neil is buying our snacks, we are blown away. It can't be more than a few minutes pass 11pm and the theatre is almost completely full. There are hundreds of screaming high schoolers, many dressed up. We walk up the stairs to look for 3 seats and cannot find any. At one point I am facing the screen talking to Johnelle, trying to figure out what to do and some starts yelling "HEY INDY" behind me. Now I know the back of my shirt says Indiana Jones, but there are a hundred people dressed or sporting Indy clothing. So I ignore it. He keeps yelling, "Indy, turn around". I'm thinkin, no way he's talkin to me. Finally, after a third yell, I turn around and hes like, "hey we can scoot down if you too wanna sit here". I just laughed and said thanks, but we have 3. So finally we go down to the front, and then the madness begins. Beach balls just start flying all up and down the theatre, like at a concert or something. Everyone is going nuts. So Neil comes in, and goes, "I'm not sitting up there, we're goin to the next showing". After a few minutes, Johnelle and I agree even though all the fun is in here.

So we get to the next theatre with over an hour to go for the 12:20 show time. This is more of what we expected. Plenty of room, with a few fans. So we get second row in the middle. After a few minutes of waiting, we realize the group behind us has someone dressed like Indy, and this Asian chick with a Yankees hat on. I'm like, haha, that Asian chick looks a little like Short Round (form Temple of Doom). Then we look at this Middle Eastern dude next to her, and he's dressed in a tan suit and later puts on a red fez (hat). To say the least, it was awesome and only made me more jealous I hadn't dressed up. So after an hour of annoying movie trivia, commercials up the ass, and trailers (the Dark Knight by far the best), the lights dim and the moment I have been waiting for is here, at 12:20am... Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is beginning.

Warning, the following contains spoiler and obscene language

The Film
And so it begins. The Paramount mountain comes on screen, and actually, they use the old school "aged" looking logo. And then the mountain morphs into what appears to be an anthill or something in the desert. First 10 seconds, I'm impressed. And then what happens? (I'm blaming this and most faults on George fucking Lucas) A prairie dog comes out of it as if we were watching some stupid kids movie. And then they start playing some 50's diner-esque song while some younger kids driving through the desert race and army convoy. Alright, I'm already feelin like I'm watching something other than what Indiana Jones should be.

About five minutes into the film, our hero arrives. A few quarky/comedic lines, but thats OK with me, I expect this crap from Lucas. Then they enter the Area 51 hanger (briefly seen at the end of Raiders when they are storing away the ark). So the soviets want Indy to find this box. Indy knows its extremely magnetically sealed so he used gun powder and shotgun pellets to locate it. Pretty ridiculous, but OK. of course, he breaks loose and while leaving the warehouse, the destruction left behind him reveals an open box with what inside of it? None other than the Ark of the Covenant. I mean did we really need that?

Next scene, after escaping in the desert, Indy finds a small town. Goes into a house, only to realize its a testing site for an A-Bomb. So whats he do, he gets in a lead sealed fridge and the A-Bomb sends him flying into the desert. Of course Indy gets out of the fridge, more or less unaffected, after surviving a nuclear bomb. Oye... who the hell let Lucas write.

The movie isn't too bad now, they explain a little bit about Indy in WWII, then he meets Shia. They ride his Harley through a library on a college campus which was ridiculous but I could handle it. There is one scene where the Russians run into a statue of Marcus Brody, and the head falls off busting their car. Mutt (Shia) laughs and Indy gives him a stern look and shakes his head (going back to Last Crusade with Indy and his dad, now roles reversed). I got a kick outta that. But to ruin it, while Mutt is starting his bike back up in the library, and the Soviets are running them down, Indy decides to give a lesson to one of the students in the library while the Harley engine is revving. LAME

Things aren't goin too bad, they get to South America and get caught of course. And who do they run into? Marion (Karen Allen), who just happens to be Mutt's mom. Indy and Marion argue like in Raiders, although Marion looks old as hell, I mean worse than Indy. And her acting seems to have gone down hill a bit. And then they get stuck in a sand trap. As Indy and Marion are sinking, Indy comedically starts explaining to Mutt the difference between a sand trap and sinking mud or something like that. LAME. Then after Mutt goes to look for a rope, Marion explains to Indy that Mutt is actually his son. REALLY LAME.

Now the ridiculous car chase begins. To start off, you just see an aerial shot of the rainforest with something just tearing down everything in its path, similar to the monster in Lost. Then you find out its this giant tank thing with huge blades in the front. Pretty bad. Then Indy gets a hold of a car and they catch up to Irina (Cate Blanchett). Some crazy shit happens and somehow Mutt and Irina start swordfighting each other on separate cars to attempt to get the skull back. Of course Irina carries a sword with her. Then, very similar to Temple of Doom, Mutt's legs are on each car as he goes over trees and gets smacked in the balls. Some how he still manages to stand up and sword fight. Eventually he gets back on his car and some how manages to get stuck on a vine up in the trees (their in the Amazon FYI). He goes flying up and hundreds of monkeys start swarming him. Now this is where it gets REALLY FUCKING BAD. He starts swinging like Tarzan through the forest, while the monkeys of course are following him. So he catches up to the car chase where he jumps on Irina and the monkeys follow to jump on the Soviet car and attack them. REALLY FUCKING LAME.

So now they've lost the Soviets and are told by the crazy guy they need to go down the waterfall. So the car that Marion is driving (which just happens to look like boat), drives towards the cliff. Everyone freaks except her and she just says "relax" as then fly hundreds of feet into the river. Of course they're all still in the car and fine. They do it again. Same result. Finally they hit the third waterfall and they all fall out. At least there was some reality to this one. Then they end up on a dry part of land, only to realize that according to the riddle, they need to go back under the waterfall to return the skull. Fortunately, they cut from the guys on the land to them in the caverns under the waterfall. This is where Johnelle and I turn to each other and I say, "at least Spielberg went up to Lucas and said: Ya we're not showing that".

The film continues with more ridiculousness. They return the skull to the alien skeletons and once the 13th skull is replaced, the skeletons morph into a real live alien, and you find out the city of gold is actually a spaceship hidden underground. This part I will give some credit to, not a bad story. Then as it takes off, the water fills in the gap to leave no trace. Similar to Goldeneye.

Finally, the last scene. Indy and Marion get married. Pretty Lame, but acceptable. Then after they kiss, the doors to the church blow open and Indy's fedora blows down the aisle. Mutt looks down, picks it up and is about to put it on his head. Now this is where I am about to scream "FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS", but thankfully are good friend Stephen Spielberg didn't allow this to happen, as Indy grabs the hat and puts it on. Roll credits.

So overall, ya it was pretty shitty. It was no Indiana Jones movie. I think if I weren't such a huge fan, it would've been OK, ridiculous but OK. Remove Lucas from the writing and give the sole power to Spielberg, and I think it would've rocked. Either way, I will probably go see it again, just to see if maybe now that all the hype is up, it can be acceptable. Probably not. Anyways, after a decade and a half of waiting, I can honestly say that I was very disappointed. I don't know if it was the hype, the excitement, or the 19 years since the last Indy film, but this was definitely a poor showing of Indy's comeback. If I had to rate it, I would probably give it a 3.5 out of 10.

Just Another Thur Night

So it's Thur night and I didn't have to work on Fri. Originally, my plan was to just chill out, play some video games, maybe have a couple beers in the hot tub, and take it easy. Surely enough, that changed as soon as I got home. I knew I had to do some online work for the Arctic doc, and Jodi IMs me saying she doesnt have to work on Fri either, so we should go out. So I try to get everything done that I can, work out, shower, eat dinner, and finish work. As Im finishing work, Jodi is like, well I dont feel like goin out anymore. This is after I finally convinced Neil to check out this "cowboy" bar down Beach blvd I have been wanting to check out forever. So we say fuck it, have a beer at home and go out to Tumbleweeds...

So we get to this dive bar, pretty dead, no music playing (even though the website states, LIVE MUSIC EVERY NIGHT) and I order a beer. Its a pretty shitty bar, and a pint is $5. Im pretty pissed. Neil orders a water as he has to work in the mornin. So we are talking for about 5 mins and decide, fuck this lets go to Goat Hill Tavern in Newport, one of the coolest dive/hipster bars we've been to in Southern California. So I pound my Blue Moon and we head out.

We get to the bar, pretty packed, all sorts of people from college students, to slutty dressed girls, to the punk ass surfers, to the old guys just wanting to relax. Of course they have saw dust and peanut shells covering the ground, as for $1 you get a rather large container of peanuts, and for $2 you get this practically bucket of peanuts with shells. So we get a pitcher of PBR and a small order of nuts (did I mention they have 141 beers on top?)

So we are just hangin out, enjoying our Thur night. There are some cute girls, some drunk ass guys, but mostly a bunch of people hangin out. Then, as Im telling Neil a story, I look to my right and there's a fight. Turns out this guy was "lookin at this other guys girl" and the guy with the girl literally knocks this guy out. Im talking like one hit, one kill. The poor guy that probably just looked at this douchebag's girl was on the floor bleeding. So of course the bouncer break up the fight, kick out the instigator, and help carry the KO'd guy outside. Afterwards, a few bartenders come over to the spot (after many people had left) and scatter sawdust over the area of the fight to cover up the blood. Ahhh... what else could I ask for on a Thur night?!? So as we are leaving, the KO'd guy is outside with some friends, as they are trying to stop his nose from bleeding and getting him to sit up straight. And I thought this only happened in movies like "Roadhouse". Ah, gotta love dive bars!

That was about the end of our night. We decided to leave from there. I was craving donuts (normally I dont even like them, but with the overpopulation of donut shops in Cali, I was just craving a couple choc covered donuts). We never did find a donut shop in HB opened though, so we made it back home. And this is where I will leave you now. Time for bed, but what journeys will tomorrow bring? Who knows!!!